original painting source unknown (if anyone knows please DM me!)
woke up first thing today and felt a lot of mixed emotions, tint of sadness, it's been like this lately. I'm realizing that soon, when I wake up, it won't be in this house that I grew up in, with my family around me.
I laid in bed for an hour on my phone again, it's such a hard habit to break. Future me is suffering the consequences of current me wasting all that time being comfortable.
decided to finish up my sketch while having breakfast and it took me almost 2 hours. perfectionism is a curse. I also thought it was June for some reason.
my mom and sister actually have good eye and can tell what is good/bad and what needs correction. everyone is an artist.
being able to sketch on a Monday morning without any pressure or responsibilities (that is external and high stakes) is such a blessing and one that I strive for in my future life
I kept context switching in hopes of finishing everything but I end up only doing 10-20% in each thing. Not sure if going all in on just one thing is good too. I was exploring different ideas and brainstorming.
I've been ruminating over the same thing, playing movies in my head, for the past few weeks when I should just write things down, it would help me so much but I just don't do it.
I have a feeling that the heat and humidity is a large factor for my headaches and dizziness. Because I realized I never was like this back in Ames. Something happened since I came back, well a lot of things happened, but I hope going back to SF means I'm more energized and productive.
had a walk with my sister around the flats and saw how life would be if I didn't have a hard-working dad who spent his entire life supporting us and making sure we'll have a good future. living in a bubble is the surest way to feel ungrateful and be seeking for more.
monkey bars are so hard, I heard my arms crack, but I actually did it after 3 tries. I'm so old.
after my surgery I feel more afraid of undoing the wrap, and shortening the 5-10 year cure that I was given. I'm always testing my limits but I'm worried about pushing too hard, which sucks as a 20 something year old.
I watched a cat poop in amazement like I'm an alien, and I found it funny and slightly concerning that I'm going crazy
been feeling like a failure lately from browsing twitter, more dejecting than inspiring, could be a mindset issue
been worrying that I won't be as ambitious or smart or talented to fit in with the SF crowd
I've been craving kimchi in my meals and I'm so glad I get to eat it.
this week feels really overwhelming with the launch and the kaggle assignment, and trip planning and articles to finish. but busy is good. I should start picking up the pace to prep myself for my masters.
